I know things are going to change after our baby arrives. (I hear it all the time!)
No sleep, no time to do anything but take care of the baby, more stress, no time for dates, money is tight, your body changes, your priorities change, etc., etc. Sometimes I wonder why people have kids in the first place!
I am genuinely excited to start this next chapter of our lives, but I also worry about the transition and things I’ve taken for granted that will change.
1. Running
Of course this is number one. Running is one of my biggest passions in life that I know I would be very sad if I had to give up. I know I won’t have to give up running completely, but it will be different! What will my body be list post-baby? Will I be able to even come close to my PRs? Will I have the energy, time, and motivation to run high mileage again?
I have desperately missed running and training this summer and fall (my two favorite seasons to run during!), and I am kind of bummed that it will be winter when I’m able to run again. But I do have some running buddies that I will hopefully be able to meet up with throughout the winter. However, who knows if I will be able to bounce back as quickly as I would like.
2. Keeping my house clean
I’m a neat freak. I like everything in its place before I go to bed. I know it will be harder to keep everything in its place, especially once the baby become mobile. But it stresses me out when things aren’t in their proper place, so I would really like to be able to stay on top of these things.
3. Cooking/Baking
It is really important to me that we have healthy, homemade foods in the house. I don’t want start buying convenience foods that are often unhealthy and expensive in the event we get too busy to make things from scratch. However, the whole time factor comes into play again. Will I have time to make things from scratch?
4. Time with Craig
I worry that Craig and I won’t have enough quality time together. Sometimes already our lives feel too busy that we hardly see each other, and I’m sure it will only get worse once the baby comes. I also worry this less time, lack of sleep, and added stress will lead to unnecessary disagreements/bickering.
5. Money
Who doesn’t worry about money? Since I’ve gone to working part-time, we haven’t been able to save nearly as much, and I’m worried what our finances will be like when I stop working altogether. And I know babies require extra money too.
6. Time for the little things
There’s always a million little things I do each day that must get done in order for things to keep running smoothly. Craig says it is me creating work, but I honestly have a purpose behind each thing I do whether it is recycling, shopping around for the best price, replying to e-mails, keeping the house tidy, blogging, paying bills, etc. If I’m not able to stay on top of these things, it stresses me out, which is not good either.
No worries! It’s rough adjusting to having a baby at first but you’ll figure it out. I promise! You’ll still run and it will be your “me” time.
We actually ate healthier after the baby because we didn’t go out as much and I felt we had more time for preparing meals. I made my own baby food too, it’s easy and it is great knowing exactly what is in it.
Baskets! I got several for corraling things at the end of the day because I like a clean house too. My daughter is three but she has been helping clean up since she was two. We make it a game and sing the “pick up, clean up” song from Daniel Tiger.
No worries!
I definitely want to make my own baby food! I was actually going to buy several large wicker baskets for corralling toys. I saw one of my friends do it and thought it was perfect.
As a first time mom to my now 13 1/2 month old, I was naive to think that I could do it all. I work full time so my daughter is in daycare (she loves it). But when I was home with her those first 12 weeks, I was miserable. I feel as though I am a pretty easy going person and don’t let a lot get to me but I had really bad post partum anxiety (luckily not the depression). I felt like a bad mom because I wasn’t “in love” with my baby. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED her but I didnt love the new way of life and it was mainly the anxiety talking. To this day, I still struggle with the anxiety.
Day to day life is going to change drastically, but you will figure it out and it will end up working out. I was the cook in the family, now my husband does it. You will still run, you earn it after being with baby round the clock and your husband will understand that.
Everything takes about double the time to get done, so be aware of that! But you will settle into a routine for a while, then it will change and you will figure that routine out as well and it will continue to do that for a long time. But it will all work out.
Thanks!
Don’t worry about anything, but pray to God and let him guide you.
That’s what I was going to say!
🙂
Sorry, Mom, but I have to laugh a little when you tell me not to worry. 😉 I don’t really consider myself a big-time worrier, but I’m sure it will get worse when this baby is born, huh?
Great post, and also a great reply from @melissagravatar. I don’t have kids yet and it is all these worries holding me back! I’m glad you were able to be honest and share these feelings. I feel like a lot of people out there either don’t have these worries (which to me always seems weird, but I am a worrier by nature), or hide them because they need to have a seemingly “perfect life” on the outside. Thank for sharing, love your blog!
My husband and I went through a two year phase where we didn’t know if we even wanted to have kids. I think we always knew deep down we would, yet at the same time we loved being able to come and go as we pleased, we had enough money to do pretty much everything (within reason) we wanted, and we enjoyed our lifestyle. So yeah. . . .it’s complicated.
All very natural fears. What I found with my first is that by trying to read and learn so much prior to baby’s arrival I found that my expectations did not meet reality. I had a very hard time adjusting to a newborn, whether that was due to mine being very colicky/gassy among other things, but also everywhere I read people were just so ‘in love’ with being a mom and it was the best thing in the world. So like an above commenter, you don’t feel like you are doing anybody any justice in those first 6, 8, maybe 16 weeks because you haven’t found the new groove yet. You will, it’s just that fear of the unknown!
It is the fear of the unknown for sure! I’ve said that to my husband before.
reading this post i thought i was reading a list of MY worries about having children. i have no first hand experience, but from watching friends go through motherhood i think it’s all about perspective, expectations, and figuring out what works for you. what works for one family doesn’t work for another. also, have you heard of the blog oakland avenue? she blogs about diy (which is how i found her) and motherhood and i think has an awesome christian perspective on parenting–all things big and small.
I have not heard of that blog, I will definitely have to check it out though!
I hate when people are negative about babies! “Things are going to change so much, you won’t ever sleep, you better get ready to never have a date with the husband” etc… It is all about mindset and how you decide to take it all in. If running is your thing, don’t let people tell you that “you won’t have time for that.” Yes, you will if you make time for it! You can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it!
Also, if you do have to resort back to grocery store food for a bit, that is ok! Don’t feel guilty about picking up a few things here or there. Compromise and try Whole Foods or a local bakery to make you feel better about it.
You got this. It’s all about mindset.
Thanks so much! I’ve always said you make time for the things that are most important to you. I wish we had a Whole Foods! But I know what you mean. 🙂
My husband went from full-time to part-time recently, as well, so we are now living on two (very) part-time salaries. It has taken some adjusting, but learning that not buying things is less expensive than buying them on sale has been a big bonus. I highly recommend taking advantage of the free things, rather than cheap things, if money is a concern. Our monthly expenditures are less than $1500, for two people, which makes part time very feasible.
Wow! $1500 is impressive. I’ve learned over the years that even though an item might be on sale with a deep discount, it isn’t worth it if I don’t need the item. I’ve especially found this to be true on clothing items or the back aisles at Target. 😉
You will be fine 🙂 It does just take time to adjust, but you will eventually! If you lower your expectations, anything you get done beyond keeping another tiny little human being alive is a bonus! (and caring for and keeping that baby healthy and loving on him/her is completely rewarding and you may be surprisingly satisfied with just that). I couldn’t physically get everything done during the first few months with the seemingly constant nursing/napping, the being woken up all night long, and all.of.the.laundry. A lot of the housework and cooking fell to my husband, who was happy to do it, but I had to back of being so perfectionist about it all 🙂 After about 6 months old, though, I feel as though I could start to predict naptimes and bedtimes and therefore be a little more intentional about schedules and get more things handled. PS I am a big believer in high doses of Vitamin D helping with postpartum moodiness
I definitely worry about my perfectionism and type A personality getting the best of me. :/ I am hopeful Craig will be willing to help with housework and cooking. How much Vitamin D do you take? I’ve tried taking it other winters, but I honestly didn’t feel any different. But maybe it would help with post-partum hormones??
I take this one: http://www.costco.com/trunature®-Vitamin-D3-5000-IU,-500-Softgels.product.11602692.html and it’s 5,000 iu/ day… I had my levels tested at nonexistent, and they are in the “good” range now that I’m taking this. There are also a couple of studies that the D that passes through breastmilk can help prevent asthma, allergies, eczema, etc. in babies. It looks like it can be shipped to AK, too. I’m such a drug pusher 🙂
It is different. Money is tight, but it always works out. Run with your little one early on, and hey will find it a source of comfort. I keep my house clean too. Every night after cayden goes to bed, no matter how tired we are, Cory and I team up to get it done. Even when he’s gone, I’m proud to say at any given moment my dishes are done, my laundry is put away, and my house is clean enough to have people stop by. You are blessed with Kelly & Steve who I’m sure would LOVE to take baby so y’all can have dates. Sleep when baby sleeps. PLEASE. This was a hard lesson for me to learn, I pushed myself to no end cuz dishes weren’t done, dinner wasn’t made, and I just wanted to cry. This is when Craig steps up and helps out till you get the hang of doing it all while nursing… It happens faster than you think. You will learn to do all activities 1 handed, and feel like super mom in no time. These are all legitimate fears, but a baby doesn’t have to ruin your dreams. Know what you want, and strive for it with the most marvelous blessing by your side. It is different. In a better way. You’ll understand when he/she takes their first breath. Y’all got this, but please ask for help when you need it. We all need help sometimes!
Thanks, Ariel! I can definitely see me being that person who uses nap time to do it all when I really should be napping as well. I will also need to work on asking for help. 😉
Michelle, all I can say is I’ll try to be the best great uncle for your baby. I know your family will make it, no matter what challenges you guys encounter. You guys have a very deep love for each other, and the bady, I suspect will just strengthen it.
Love you guys!!!!
Uncle Stu
Thanks, Stuart!
I think these things are all valid concerns, and probably true to an extent. But most of it happens so gradually that you have a lot of time to adjust. It’s also why my children loved in baby carriers for so long … I could do the work I needed and they were happy.
But to a certain extent, I think as a parent you do have to let go of some of these things. I found I could choose to be resentful and frustrated all the time, or accept the fact that my house is easy when I want it clean, that we don’t have extra money, or that we don’t have amazing meals (Chris makes about half, and sometimes it’s cereal, or nachos, or “a plate of delicious things,” aka whatever I can scrounge up and put onto a plate).
This process isn’t magical and can take awhile to work through. I think it’s the best part about being a parent, learning that I must give up the things I want for another person (or four people, in my case :). You’ll do great!
You’ll do fine, Michelle. Truly. Your worries are valid, but as soon as the baby comes none of it will matter as much. I was a single mother for most of my son’s life, I worked full-time, made my own baby food, homemade bread, grew and dried my own herbs, etc. I didn’t run when he was young but I did swim daily, no matter how exhausted I was, because you can swim lying down. The house was usually a mess and I never caught up on laundry and sometimes, yes, I did buy pre-prepared food and we survived and thrived and in the end, it didn’t matter. What did and does matter is love, and family. I have no doubt that you’ll be out running next summer with a stroller, and I also have no doubt that even pushing a stroller up a hill, you’ll still be faster than I am, lol. Cheers, take care and enjoy your pregnancy. It is such an awesome and wonderful time, and birth is even better, swear to god. I LOVED giving birth. It was the most mystical and holy experience of my life (kinda like running back-to-back marathons, except instead of a cheap little finisher’s medal, you get a whole little person).
I seriously don’t know how single parents do it!!
I used to be a neat freak too, still am, and made everything from scratch, but the new mantra I have been *trying* to adopt is “Nobody died, nobody got hurt.” At the end of the day what really matters is that everyone got what they needed, and wants are a bonus. And L actually LOVE mixing cookie batter and bread dough with me now that she’s older, and how great will it be that YOU can teach your children those skills! It takes 37 times longer to bake with a toddler, and it’s 26 times messier, but it’s so much fun.
I saw a Ted Talk about how your overall happiness decreases when you have kids, it’s just flat out challenging and I miss having TIME. But the Ted Talk also talked about those moments of incredible joy too – you have the lowest lows but then you have the highest highs – and those highs, those cuddles and snuggles and seeing your child’s firsts, they make it all worth it.
Blessings to you both – your worries are valid, but you have incredible support and have had some great advice already.
The difficulties you may face mean nothing so long as you baby is healthy. Because once you are old like me you will look back on these difficult days and you will wish you could re-live each and every second of them. You have something no amount of money can buy…….a baby, a husband you love, and youth. Do not be afraid.